Category: 2014 Midterm Election (Page 2 of 22)
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—The billionaire Koch brothers have approved a controversial plan to shoot cash from cannons directly at voters heading into polling places on Election Day.
The plan, which Koch insiders have privately referred to as Operation Money Shot, would distribute as much as seventy million dollars in small bills in the hopes of seizing Republican control of the United States Senate next Tuesday.
According to a spokesman for the Kochs, “Under the law, corporations are considered people, and people have always had the right to fire money from cannons at other people.”
When news of Operation Money Shot reached Democratic circles several weeks ago, there were howls of protest and threats of a legal challenge, as Democratic leaders complained that firing cash directly at voters about to cast their ballots would be a subversion of the election process.
But the Supreme Court upheld the Koch brothers’ plan by a five-to-four vote on Thursday, arguing that spending money on elections was protected by the First Amendment, and that using a cannon was protected by the Second.
What’s the big deal about getting an ID? You need one, after all, to participate in society in all kinds of other ways — to drive, to get married, to buy beer. Surely the requirement to show an ID on Election Day can’t be that burdensome.
This is a common defense of Voter ID laws like the kind now on the books in Texas (and Virginia -ed), ostensibly meant to curb voter fraud. But it glosses over the reality of life for some voters, who may struggle to get around because of disabilities, who may lack the seemingly small sums necessary to pay for documentation, who may not have the flexible scheduling to visit a government office twice, or three times, or more.
Small obstacles like these are magnified in the frantic days leading up to the election — and add to this the confusion that ensues when people who have voted for years are suddenly told at their familiar polling places they don’t have what they need this time.